If you can’t blog anything nice, get your boyfriend to blog it instead – Kuala Lumpur

To begin writing about Kuala Lumpur, I typed “Kuala Lumpur sucks” into google and found only 1200 results. Apparently I am one of the few people who feels this way, or everyone else uses far more expletives when searching.

I guess the biggest problem we had with KL was that it was the first place we visited after Vietnam, lovely, beautiful, supremely nice, supremely cheap Vietnam.  It also had a lot to live up to, we kept hearing how great and modern it was, how the food was fusion of Indian, Chinese, Thai, with a splash of powdered unicorn horn.

So when we took a really nice air conditioned bus for an hour for $2 to the train terminal, and hopped on a very modern train after retrieving our RFID enabled tokens, we thought – this place might just be great.  But once we were on foot, we started to question our assumptions.

Lovely modern train, complete with fairly accurate train arrival times (I’m looking at YOU, DC metro

We dropped our bags and our jaws at Wheelers guest house, where despite being a small dirty room with barely enough room to stand next to the bed, the cost was 45 ringits ($15). We’d later find out that this is literally the cheapest place you can find in the Chinatown area. We ended up staying in a place for $20 a night (60 ringits) without a window with A/C. In Vietnam, $17 got you a suite with a balcony and a fridge.

Well, Wheelers did have a monkey….it also loved to bite the hell out of this guy

The next gut punch came when we ate at a shitty roadside restaurant where the food cost $5 a plate and was small, cold and poorly flavored. But at least we can wash it down with a cheap beer right? WRONG! Malaysia taxes the ever living hell out of alcohol since apparently they hate us. So a beer that cost 50 cents in Hanoi costs $5-$8 in Kuala Lumpur (Source: Tiger Beer – we drank a ton in Hanoi for 10000-12000 dong, 15-25 ringgits in KL). Our knees went weak and we gasped for air, we stumbled around  from drink special to drink special, thinking it was all some wild joke. Time and Time again we were assaulted with the realization that Malaysia is a rich drunk’s land, and we just don’t fit in here.

Back to our spacious room to relax…..

We saw the Petronas towers, which were big. We saw a movie at the huge mall…..tried to play games at the arcade and every one of them I played was broken in some capacity, and we got trapped in KL for an additional 3 days due to it being the end of Ramadan and a Malaysian holiday.

Petronas Twin Towers – taller than me

Incredibly nice….and expensive….mall

We ate a lot of sub-par food, I could count the number of times we said “Mmmm this is good” on zero fingers.

Disappointing sandwhich…… GO!

I summon you, bone splinter filled poorly attempted Indian cuisine!

Maybe you can save the day $7 pizza? Nope.

Alright grey slop, get in the game!


Ok, we’ll just end it here

I’m willing to concede to the possibility that KL has some wonderful areas, with the best food on the planet, served by the nicest people you’ve ever met, and that we just missed it. But dear family, friends, strangers just looking for bikini pics of Brittany, I tell you, we tried! We ate out 3 times a day for 6 days, each eating different things, that’s 36 different chances for us to hit the epicurean jackpot, and the closest it came was a “Thai curry Porkchop” that made us miss Thailand. We even tried “Little India” where the trash, hawking, and begging was the only thing that resembled India.

Break out the hard stares

The food was cold, typically seafood, served in large trays buffet style, and after ingesting a cold vindaloo of squid and prawn, I tried to estimate the minutes before they’d be having their revenge (hint, it was less than I had estimated).

Intestinal fortitude be damned, spicy room temperature seafood will get you. “With Love – KL”

The final “we have to get the fuck out of here” straw for me (and I don’t use the language lightly as I know my mother and grandmother (and her twitter feed) read this) was when Brittany went out alone to grab food (as our key went missing) and was followed back by some college aged Malaysian guy shouting at her that he will fuck her for cheap, and then started shouting that he’d fuck her for free and didn’t stop until she got into the hostel. She wouldn’t let me go out there to meet her new friend despite my insistence that Malaysian jails might have better food.

Some people love it. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one. Thailand you beautiful sight for sore eyes. Here we come.



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  1. I enjoyed my time in KL, but only for the one crappy/dirty guesthouse with a great social scene. But alas, Le Village is no more. Roti Chenai, cheap and tasty foord. Not very healthy for every meal though…

  2. Kat says:

    I hated Kuala Lumpur. I’m a female who travelled to KL with a female friend. We’re both Canadian teachers and at the time were both teaching in Bangkok. We had a week off and decided to venture off to Kuala Lumpur en route to Singapore. Within 20 minutes of being there we couldn’t wait to leave. It seemed like everywhere we went there were men who would stare, say inappropriate comments and/or follow you until you get to a crowded mall, bank or hotel. We weren’t the only women in our hotel complaining about the sexual harassment we experienced. Having been to 26 countries, I’m not a newbie to traveling. But this place is dangerous for women.

    The upside is that I thought the Petronas Towers were a cool sight. Not as cool as the Eiffel, Empire State, Burj Khalifa or Burj Al Arab and numerous other buildings around the world. After one day we did everything worth doing there.

    I say skip Kuala Lumpur, there are other cool places in Southeast Asia.

  3. John says:

    Yeah I agree, KL is worth skipping. The atmosphere in the whole city is wrong. The whole city feels uncoordinated, the airport is poorly designed, signs everywhere are confusing. People are unfriendly, staff very slow and demotivated at their jobs, shops don’t open, food is boring and expensive.. and the worst part is they seem to have a warped sense that “Malaysia is friendly” “Make friends” “eat this, eat that” as the advertising would constantly tell tourists, but the reality is far from that.

    KL my least favourite city.

  4. Jamil Kucing says:

    As malaysians I hate my goverments. to many foreign wokers work here,. this country it like belong to bangladeshi, Actually the service you all get not from malaysians. if from bangladeshi, mynmarris , vietnam, they are to many of them work in my country. the stupid goverments bring them come here to be used when election,

    You all come to malaysians before. sure you all see to many of them here.

  5. Helena says:

    I’m agree with you guys! We have been 2 months living in this city because we thought KL would be cool!

    We came here after stay 2 months in Bangkok and Hong Kong, and in less than 7 days you can see the highlights of the KL.
    The city is expensive and designed for the foreigners. People is rude sometimes and works unmotivated in their jobs (maybe because of the weather?).
    So we have dedicated the time here to work (we work online), don’t drink alcohol (expensive, expensive, expensive!!!), and watch movies and series online.
    I honestly recommend visit KL just for 3 days (maximum) to get a good impression and visit other places in Malaysia (like Redang Islands – what a paradise!).
    That’s just my opinion.

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